“An unbiased review of Diet Pepsi Max.”

So I had the new Diet Pepsi Max the other day. After drinking half a litre I must say the following:

There truly must be a divine power up above, for what was once perfect is now even more so. Twice the caffiene (sp?), more taste, less bite and all around awesome. I could seriously live on this stuff.

In fact, if I had divine powers, I wouldn’t turn water into wine. Wine makes people sleepy. I would turn it into Diet Pepsi Max so that my followers could rock and roll all night and worship me every day.

I highly recommend this stuff for you, your children, aunts but not uncles, the goldfish and your lawn. This is truly the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind, and I wish to share it with you all. So drink some today and POWER UP TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL AND THEN SOME WITH A BIT LEFTOVER!

That is all.

***

“I have a recipe for disaster. Stupid dollar store cookbook.”

So I had went to the local dollar store the other day to go shopping, because I am all hardcore and shit. I was having a look around while reminding myself not to pick up the poisoned Chinese toothpaste when I saw it. “The Only Cookbook You Will Ever Need.” Well, with a title like that how could anything possibly go wrong, right?

On my way to the cash I had decided to browse through the music section, because you can never have too many poor quality Mozart CDs. Approaching the cash, I felt a twinge of excitement. Man, is trying out some new food really supposed to affect me this way? Sad. I paid for my stuff with debit (yes, debit), and then walked home.

I had raced home, and as such my heart was racing whist I put on some Speed Racer. Opening my cookbook, a certain recipe had caught my eye. A recipe . . . for disaster. And I had all the ingredients.

With much haste I put everything together in a bowl and mixed on high for 10 minutes . . . by hand. Boy did that ever hurt the wrist. Thankfully I was used to it. Anyhoo . . .

So I poured my creation onto a baking sheet and cooked at some random temperature (it actually called for that in the book) for as long as I felt. After three hours I had taken it out. After tasting it and puking promptly I had realized that I had been misled. It didn’t cause a major disaster that could destroy cities. It just tasted like one. Stupid dollar store cookbook.

I cried myself to sleep that night . . .

***

The following bee was drawn by Steve who’s okay (I guess) at Marvel vs Capcom 2. I changed the text to reflect his true feelings about Megaman.