– A polar bear ate my seal of quality and my work has been shit ever since.

– My dog didn’t eat my papers, that’s stupid. But my dog did eat my cat and that left me too distraught to finish any of those forms.

– Lag. Even if it’s a real world physical activity blaming lag is always legit.

– I almost had a longer list, but apparently WordPress is about to be shut down by hackers.

“Quick, we need to get a bee up before the site potentially crashes.” “But sir, all I have is someone else’s movie receipt and a pen.” “GOOD, YOU HAVE EXACTLY FOUR SECONDS!”