First I need a way to plant fingernails into the soil and grow a fingernail tree. Wait, come back! Please hear the rest of this before you reject my loan application!

So once the science of all of this is figured out I’ll have a garden of well-curated fingernail trees to share with the public. I’m hoping they’ll form in the shape of singular, 20+ feet fingernails. Admission will be free and I’ll let anybody have a nibble on ’em. It will be glorious. Not sure what I’ll do in the off-season though.