Just so you know, I’m totally going to die in the bathroom. Calling it now.

I’m going to start by saying it’s not going to be from slipping on the floor or something embarrassing like that. No. This will be a bathroom death for the ages. The kind that will be remembered in song long after this era is gone.

I’ll just be sitting there doing my thing while the ceiling begins to ooze high-fructose corn syrup. You think I’d be ready for what would happen next since I had an incident at work just last year that literally started the same way. But no, I still won’t see this coming. Even though I’m telling you about this now I still won’t see it coming. I guess my foresight isn’t 20/20 like hindsight. As the ooze takes an androgynous human form, it’ll invite me for another ride into the sky. I will refuse for I’m not entirely sure that it’s not trying to kill me.

Will I die in an epic battle? No, not quite. Life is rarely that exciting, and death even more rarely so.

Actually, you know what? No spoilers.

A fashionable bee drawn by Sophie. Thanks again!

A fashionable bee drawn by Sophie. Thanks again!

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So it appears the poetry battle is over.

I don’t think it was ever so much a poetry battle as it was me pretending that I had a fun rival without his consent to be honest. But all of the poems are still in the apartment lobby! That’s gotta be worth something.

So a friend of mine found this recently. I need to get on this flash animation stuff.

Oi, so I’m in between work assignments right now and somehow not working is actually making it harder for me to write/get anything done? I guess having too many options really does paralyze me intellectually.

Maybe I should start looking at the daily topic or something ha ha.

“The Timbit war.” A story of violence and pseudo-erotica.

It appears that I have been challenged to some sort of Timbit battle. I’m not entirely sure what this entails but it sounds like it will require far more Timbits than I could possibly afford. Good thing I’ve planned for such an event my entire life.

After purchasing a single Timbit I made my way to a nearby field. I held the Timbit above my head in my right hand with a loose fist. Then brought my right elbow down to my waist as I crushed the Timbit while letting out a mighty yell. This would become the cause of many regrets.

A warm sensation overcame me as I began my transformation. It was tingly and exciting. It felt like the time that guy in the locker room at the gym told me that my shirt was nice and I told him I got it 30 percent off the other day only to have him follow up with “Why don’t you come over here so we can get it 100 percent off?”. As I admired his chis . . . Woah, where am I going with this!?

Anyway, so within seconds I became a trio of Timbits with a shape and size not unlike that of a traditional snowman. I hop up and pound down on the ground. Within a radius of several feet the ground develops into a Timbit-like substance. As I hop again the transformation spreads throughout the Earth at an exponential rate. Within mere hours the entire planet and everything on it is merely one giant Timbit with myself in control. For the record it’s totally a chocolate Timbit, screw the haters.

I steer the planet-sized treat into Mars to assimilate it and make the Timbit even larger. The Milky Way is my home now, and brand name donut holes are the only things I know. The last thing I felt before passing out from the sugar rush was elation that I had finally succeeded in my goal of becoming an asteroid of sorts.

I wake up in a grassy field. And only the panda suit remains . . . 

Wait, you said we would be dueling with tidbits? I’m so sorry Dizzy, I read that e-mail kind of fast at work and misread it. 😦