So it appears the poetry battle is over.

I don’t think it was ever so much a poetry battle as it was me pretending that I had a fun rival without his consent to be honest. But all of the poems are still in the apartment lobby! That’s gotta be worth something.

So a friend of mine found this recently. I need to get on this flash animation stuff.

Oi, so I’m in between work assignments right now and somehow not working is actually making it harder for me to write/get anything done? I guess having too many options really does paralyze me intellectually.

Maybe I should start looking at the daily topic or something ha ha.

I’ve been unemployed for five hours and I’m already bored enough to make a list of the games I beat for the first time in 2012.

As inspired by http://kotaku.com/numbers/

PC

Bastion
Left 4 Dead
Dinner Date
Noitu Love 2: Devolution
Penny Arcade’s On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode 3
Dear Esther

360

DOOM (Original 3 episodes)
The Club
Radiant Silvergun
Gwange
Raiden IV
Raiden Fighter Aces
KoF Sky Stage

Wii

Xenoblade Chronicles

PS3

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands
Dead to Rights: Retribution
Tekken Tag Tournament 2 (Platinum Trophy)
King of Fighters XIII (Platinum Trophy)
Call of Duty: Black Ops (The first one [Oh Dog, why?])
Sonic Generations
Section 8
Medal of Honor (2010)
Stacking
Borderlands
Ace Combat: Assault Horizon
The Simpsons Arcade Game
Sonic CD
Earthworm Jim HD

3DS

Super Mario Land 3D
Star Fox 64 3D
Dead or Alive: Dimensions (Story mode)
Mighty Switch Force

DS

Golden Sun: Dark Dawn

Vita:

Lumines Supernova (Depending on definition of finishing)
Playstation All-Stars Battle Royal (Platinum Trophy)
Mortal Kombat 9 (Story mode)
Rayman Origins
Really Big Sky Infinity (Again, depending on definition)

PSP

Mimana Iya Chronicle
Gitaroo Man Lives!

Android

Age of Zombies
Caligo Chaser
Cytus

Total: 43

That’s not even one a week ha ha. I must try harder!

New Year’s Resolutions. How did they become a thing?

As many of us curse ourselves for continuing to write down ‘2012’ on various forms for the next few weeks many more of us will break promises that we have made to ourselves in wake of the new year. Personally I’m going to dread going to the gym since the next six weeks is pretty much the worst time to go ever if you’re already a regular. But I digress.

Then there are those who feel that the concept of New Year’s Resolutions are silly. Why pick that particular time to plan a life change? Shouldn’t you try to improve yourself year-round? Until earlier today I was in that mindset myself.

But then I thought about the things I would like to change in my life. I thought about how I spend too much time on Reddit/other pointless timekillers and less time doing things like socializing or even finishing my massive back log of games/books/albums I’ve yet to listen to. That led into me thinking about how I could probably be a better significant other at times, and from there I started to think about things I could change about myself.

In the shower just now it hit me. New Year’s Resolutions are important because it’s a reminder to sit down and think about our problems rationally and come up with solutions. Even if we generally fail at said solutions many people wouldn’t even attempt them had they not been forced to think about what it is they would want to change in the first place. I felt a little stupid because this way of thinking is exactly the type of thing I was taught is extremely important when I was in therapy for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and as such I feel like I should’ve figured this out long, long ago.

So with that said I’m going to attempt to get off the temp train this year (For those who aren’t in the know, I’ve been working a variety of temporary jobs for quite awhile now), try to be more proactive with my hobbies (And spend less time looking at badly captioned photos and live streams of games I don’t even care about [Except for you Jay, there’s always time to hassle you ha ha]), put some effort into making bees interesting again (Instead of copping out and using MS Paint all the time) and stop telling my girlfriend that she’s a poopface all the time.

Or at least do it less frequently. ❤

Speaking of her, she went out last night but left me this little note. She’s kind of the best.

DSC_0138

How to address the elephant in the room.

So you thought it would be funny to sneak a baby elephant into your friend’s basement and raise it there without the owner of the home knowing eh? Figured that would make a nice little ‘prank’ did you? Whelp, now you have an elephant that’s stuck in a room and still growing. At this point you’re on the verge of animal abuse and I know you’re too good of a person to willingly do that. Even if you are a bit dumb at times.

While the home is being carefully dismantled around the elephant (How are you paying for all of this by the way?) the elephant will become quite agitated. As such it will be necessary to calm the elephant through speech. But how do you address an elephant in a proper manner? It’s not like normal human expressions of politeness will work here. That elephant doesn’t know the difference between the words ‘sir’ and ‘shithead’.

Tone of voice is important, but it’s also going to be a difficult thing to figure out in this scenario. After all there’s going to be (de)construction equipment all around which will make verbal communication next to impossible. But don’t try to yell over the rest of the noise as this will only make matters worse! The only time the elephant should hear you is in between periods of external noises. Keep calm and let the elephant you that you’re not a threat. Honestly, if you managed to herd it into a basement you likely already have an idea of how to talk to animals anyway.

As with any living human/animal/etc that doesn’t understand your language your tone of voice combined with body language is more important than your actual words. The actual words you use are meant solely to calm you down so that you can maintain your composure and continue to project a calm demeanor. So if calling the elephant a shithead will help you out here, go for it. Whatever helps.

If you are on good enough terms to touch the elephant without angering it then do so! Gentle stroking and petting goes a long way in keeping living beings calm. Avoid any sudden movements and you should be fine. The entire process should get easier over time because hopefully as the elephant adjusts to the noise around him/her, coping with the situation will be easier for both of you.

As for the inevitable lawsuit(s), criminal charge(s) and loss of a friend as a result of all this . . . I’m afraid I can’t help you there buddy. Sorry.

Why does my e-reader have it's own sketching program?

Why does my e-reader have its own sketching program? And why is exporting pictures from it so difficult?

PEOPLE SAY I USE CAPS TOO MUCH. NO. THIS IS ME USING CAPS TOO MUCH.

ARE YOU NOT FEELING ENOUGH POWER LATELY? DO YOU FIND THAT EVEN IF YOU YELL THAT YOU’RE FREE NOW AND RIP OPEN YOUR SHIRT YOU’RE STILL NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO EXPLODE AN ANGRY BULL INTO A SHOWER OF CONFETTI WITH A SINGLE POKE OF YOUR FINGER?

DON’T LISTEN TO THE OTHER ADS. THEY’RE ALL FAKES MADE BY COMEDY TROUPES DESIGNED TO GET SOME OF THAT SWEET, SWEET YOUTUBE MONEY. THESE SECRET EXERCISES THAT I AM ABOUT TO SHARE WITH YOU WILL POWER YOU UP SO QUICKLY IT’LL FEEL LIKE YOU JUST TOOK SOME SORT OF DRUG. BUT YOU DIDN’T! THIS IS NOT ONLY STREET LEGAL BUT ALSO LEGIT ENOUGH FOR THE STREETS HOMESLICE!

FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR PRIMARY HAND AND BALL IT UP INTO A FIST. THEN YOU TENSE UP THAT FUCKER AND YOU TENSE IT UP REAL GOOD UNTIL YOUR WHOLE ARM IS SHAKING. ONCE YOU FEEL THE POWER (I CANNOT DESCRIBE WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE BUT TRUST ME YOU WILL KNOW) THEN YOU MUST MAKE YOUR WAY INSIDE THE NEAREST BUILDING YOU DO NOT CARE FOR AND DESTROY ONE OF THE WALLS WITH A SINGLE PUNCH. JUST TO BE SURE GO AND PUNCH THE OTHER WALLS IN THE BUILDING, AND AS THE CEILING COLLAPSES ON YOU PUNCH UPWARDS TO DESTROY THAT TOO. OKAY, MAYBE THIS MAKES THE WHOLE THING A LITTLE LESS THAN STREET LEGAL BUT WHO’S KEEPING SCORE AM I RIGHT?

WHAT, YOU THINK THAT’S CRAZY? YOU SEE, I’VE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN WHICH MAKES PERFECT SENSE SEEING THAT YOU WERE CLEARLY BORN YESTERDAY BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THE GALL TO QUESTION ME CHILLLLLLLLLLDREN! THAT’S RIGHT, TIME TO CHANNEL SOME THREE DOG UP IN THIS INSTRUCTIONAL GUIDE!

WITH YOUR NEWLY FOUND POWER YOU MAY FEEL THE URGE TO PUNCH EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. DON’T. YOU NEED A HOME TO GO BACK TO EVENTUALLY. ALSO DESTROYING THE HOMES AND LIVES OF OTHERS IS GENERALLY CONSIDERED RUDE. YOU MUST USE THIS POWER FOR GOOD, AND YOU HAVE SUCH LITTLE TIME TO DO SO.

HAVING TROUBLE DETERMINING WHAT IS GOOD? I CANNOT ANSWER A QUESTION THAT MAN HAS STRUGGLED WITH SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. BUT I THINK FINAL FANTASY 6’S SABIN MAY HAVE BEEN ONTO SOMETHING HERE SINCE GHOST TRAINS ARE KIND OF SCARY:

A REASONABLE SUGGESTION FROM A REASONABLE MAN.

HOPEFULLY THIS WILL HELP. IF NOT I WILL NEED TO INSTRUCT YOU IN PERSON. I MAY NEED HELP WITH TRANSPORTATION IF YOU LIVE REALLY FAR AWAY THOUGH AND FOR THAT I AM SORRY.

surprise!

My Pokemon story.

Even as I sat on the bus en route to his place the phone call still repeated itself constantly in my mind. It was a short call that consisted entirely of him calling me and stating that he had a real life Farfetch’d that I should come over to his house to see before he hung up. Had he finally gone mad? I think that was the thing I was most curious about.

I guess his story was a bit . . . Farfetch'd. Because nobody has ever made that joke before.

I guess his story was a bit . . . Farfetch’d. Because nobody has ever made that joke before.

Exiting the bus and making my way up the sidewalk he burst out of his front door with the excitement of a small child who had just gotten a video game system for Christmas despite the fact that his parents really couldn’t afford it. As he told me that he had been awaiting this day for his entire life my friend led me upstairs to his bedroom.

What awaited me was . . . Unexpected. A dead Mallard duck was propped up against a bookend with a leek shoved in its beak. After taking what must have been at least a solid minute or so I looked at this man whom I considered a friend and consciously blinked several times in an attempt to request an explanation without having to go through the awkwardness of actually asking.

“Isn’t it awesome!? I just found her lying on the side of the river by the elementary school just past the strip mall. Her name is Jet Leek. She’s too proud to live in a Poké Ball as you can see.”

Looking back at the duck it was then that I finally became aware of the smell. Thinking carefully about how to point out the obvious in a tactful manner I gave up and blatantly stated “I think it’s rotting dude.”.

“Nah, I haven’t had a chance to get her in the bath yet.”

At this point I had completely nothing. Nothing. Out of politeness and value for our friendship I congratulated him on his find and made up an excuse about running late for something. On the bus heading home I kept trying to process what had just happened. After a while I started to wonder why I was surprised.

After all, that’s like the fourth time he’s done that this year.

Someone bought this for me recently. This is my weapon for the zombie apocalypse.

Someone bought this for me recently. This is my weapon for the zombie apocalypse.

If my body is a temple then I’m a terrible God.

Seriously. I just ate a reheated taco, two chocolate swiss rolls and half a thing of extra fatty vanilla egg nog for no reason. My right eyelid is twitching. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Apparently such food will clog your arteries and stuff? That’s taking room away from all of my (potential) worshipers!

Or maybe the body is a temple that is meant to be observed and worshiped externally. That’s weird. I mean, I’m not super unattractive or anything but I’m no . . . Uh . . . Van Diesel or anything. I also have a moderate amount of body hair and my girlfriend tells me it looks like I have a hair backpack.

The idea of my body being a temple is also foreign to me. For one, I don’t believe in any sort of theistic beliefs. Regarding the more non-theistic belief systems . . . I don’t feel like I’m wise enough to be comfortable knowing that somebody is devoting their willpower to my teachings. Frig, I spend my spare time drawing bees in MS Paint!

I suppose I could take the statement at its intended (modern) meaning. The specific wording is still a bit off to me though. With regards to an actual temple the person who owns the building doesn’t really expend any more effort into its upkeep than the owner of any other high-class building. The devotees of a temple may help financially but that doesn’t really seem to apply when a person starts taking care of their own body. Unless people wanna donate money to get me healthy? I know I’d eat much better if I was given free healthy/tasty food all the time, and I wouldn’t mind having my gym membership paid for by others as well.

In the end, I should probably stop worrying about the inaccuracies of old analogies and hit up the gym or something.

Minimalism!