When I no longer rue the world, and decide to begin ruling it instead.

Yes, I’m doing that hack writing thing where I talk about what I would do if I ran the world as if anybody is supposed to care.

First thing to go? My dishes. Once I’m rich they’re becoming disposable. But I don’t mean disposable as in the kind that are labelled as such on the packaging. I mean disposable as in I’m going to buy whatever dishes I want, use them once and then hurl them against a wall above a chute that feeds into a trash compactor when I’m done.

Second? Nobody will be allowed to refer to eating an unhealthy snack as being naughty or bad. I don’t wanna hear women at the office saying things like “Mmmmmm, I’m being so naughty today.” unless it’s in between makeout sessions with each other.

Third: I will open a theme park filled with nothing but bunnies. They’ll all be given wonderful homes and taken care of. The park will have plenty of free roaming areas where bunnies will run around and people can pet them if they’re willing.

Other┬ámiscellaneous things would include making spiders extinct while finding a way to fill their role in our ecosystem, making my own video game company and probably something that involves making me stupid rich. Because honestly, I’m human after all.

Hmmm . . . Outside of that it’d be mostly the usual stuff. Making war illegal, distributing wealth more evenly and all that stuff. If nothing else the ego boost from solving the world’s problems would totally make my life ha ha.