Okay, sometimes you just have to be real. A list of things I actually cannot do:

– Suplex at least half of the things that I’ve stated that I can suplex in the past.

– Write good hair metal. Is that even what it’s called? Y’know, with the headbanging and the hair and stuff?

– Break the law because that would be illegal.

– Touch this.

– Visualize somebody as a turkey regardless of how hungry I am.

– Pretend that I’m interested in your cat stores.

– Pretend that I’m not interested in playing with your adorable cat.

– Dress myself apparently.

– Write on here for the next couple of weeks because I’ll be moving and practicing for my charity gaming marathon like everyone and their dog is doing these days.

As a friend of mine always said, I love you all wherever you are in the world tonight. ❤

Talk to y’all soon!

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That secret project that I’ve been busy with? Here it is!

I’m doing a fundraiser! Details in the pic below, feel free to follow the Facebook event (https://www.facebook.com/events/212671488907064/) for frequent updates or here for occasional ones. Hope to see you all there/on the stream! ❤

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Some thoughts:

Just once I’d love to see a corporate entity be openly disgusted with failing to meet their goal for a charity drive. Imagine going on a bus and seeing an ad for a fast food company with a picture of some sad children and something along the lines of: “Whelp, we only raised $5,000 for ________ last year. What a waste of time and effort.”

I was walking around downtown one day while wondering how to advance my career as a foot model. My problem is that I wasn’t getting anywhere near enough exposure. So I took my shoes and socks off. Problem solved.

Someday I will die a heroic death to save someone. As she holds me in her arms, I will tell her “If you see my wife, tell her that I love her,” to which she will reply “It’s me, I’m right here.” “How convenient,” I will say as I breathe my last.

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