Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah buddy!

There’s a five alarm fire and I just remembered my desire. I wanna go into the sky and keep going higher.

Y’all don’t even know how bad I want this.

When I was a preteen I climbed a tree and reached for the stars. It took the firemen like an hour to talk me down but I saved on time by falling out of the tree instead. I may have spent six or seven years in intensive care and had my Sega Genesis taken away for part of that period but it was totally worth it to live the dream for just a moment.

Having spent most of my late childhood/early teens in the hospital without even so much as a day pass left me unable to cope with the social pressures of high school. When I wasn’t busy being thrown into every object imaginable (Glass beaker displays were the worst!) I spent my days looking forward to the night so I could stare at the stars. I just wanted to be among the stars sooooooooo hard it hurt me deeply.

Now where was I . . .

Oh right! I’m being burned alive in this fire! I think this will have to be the end of the post as I am now dead. Cheers!

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TO THE MOON ALLISON!

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Everything I know about bees.‏

A lot of people have been accusing me lately of not knowing anything about bees, claiming that I’ve been stereotyping bees as a cartoonish creature of little importance instead of an important part of our ecosystem.

Listen, I know tons about bees. Like the following:

Bees are fuzzy and have some legs.

All bees are secretly ninjas. Or are all ninjas secretly bees? Would either one really be that different from the other?

They don’t take any of your shit. None. They will up and up leave if you try to start anything with them.

A bee was certainly not involved with the writing of this post whether it be directly or indirectly by . . . I don’t know . . . Standing on my eyebrow with a stinger pointed at my eye.

I feel like the Queen doesn’t like bees and I resent her for that.

Bees know where the sweet spots are.

They’re also really cuddly. Try it out sometime! (Editor’s Note: Don’t actually try that out.) (Addendum to Editor’s Note: Ignore the Editor’s Note, live a little. C’moooooooon.)

Bees can fly.

They can fit into a lot of small places. You never know where they’ll turn up! Better start checking everywhere all the time just to be safe.

Every bee is best friends with every other bee.

Bees are totally not at all like horses. Additionally you cannot ride a bee no matter how hard you close your eyes and wish.

Some bees just want to watch the world burn (Pictured below.).