Like, the first couple days the place was overrun by hamsters.
They were everywhere. The floor was practically made out of them at one point. When I was leaving for work one day they covered my upper body and I wound up having to go through my day with a living, furry hamster hoodie.
In an attempt to engage them in conversation I decided to talk to them about their existence. I looked at one in the eye and said “Before we get started, I just wanted to you let you know that I’m not here to discuss me being real but you being aware.” It worked. Not only were they confused, but hamsters tend to have trouble when it comes to becoming aware of their existence. They all disappeared with a gentle splash of Febreze being released into the air. That didn’t make me stop wanting to be a hamster on some level, but I had to move on.
After that I had to deal with a severe lack of things to carry other things with. I couldn’t find a bag for the life of me. The grocery store didn’t have any either (At least any they were willing to give away.). So I had to carry my lunches for the entire week entirely by hand. Carrying three thousand Snickers Bars around each day by hand is pretty tough.
Hopefully when she comes home tomorrow everything will be all sorted out by then. I do keep finding drumsticks in the most odd of places though. We don’t even play any musical instruments . . .
There’s nothing I want to do more now than to crawl under this desk, make a fort with several office chairs and hide out in my cubicle fortress. By the time I had that thought I had already done exactly that.
I proceeded to peer out in sheer contempt at all of the various forest animals that are trying to steal my precious back pillow. I need that back pillow. Sitting in a chair all day hurts for reasons that only vaguely make sense to me!
Then I see the muskrat. I’m pretty sure that’s not a forest animal but anyway . . . Out of the corner of my eye I had seen this creature running away from me all summer long. But this was not out of the corner of my eye this time. He had crawled in between the chairs and now he staring me directly in the left eye. That’s when I realized that not only had I forgotten to construct any actual means of defence, but I had also encased myself and was unable to move any part of my body!
This muskrat or ferret or whatever it was (What? I grew up in a small fishing village. Stop it with that weird stare!) began to slowly crawl all over my face. I tried to hold my resolve but eventually it started to crawl around my neck, tickling me in the process. Taking advantage of the literal opening that was created, I suddenly found myself with a furry thing stuffing itself into my mouth. And I had a cold so breathing was an issue. I hate it when that happens.
My tongue was then bitten in a most vicious manner!
My assailant had ran off, leaving me to scream wildly as my mouth bleed faster than I could’ve imagined. I screamed and screamed until a co-worker finally dug me out. Then I had received a written warning. Apparently being stuck under my desk while bleeding all over the carpet for the third time that month was “Three times too many and I should be grateful they let it slide the first two times.”.