Even as I sat on the bus en route to his place the phone call still repeated itself constantly in my mind. It was a short call that consisted entirely of him calling me and stating that he had a real life Farfetch’d that I should come over to his house to see before he hung up. Had he finally gone mad? I think that was the thing I was most curious about.
I guess his story was a bit . . . Farfetch’d. Because nobody has ever made that joke before.
Exiting the bus and making my way up the sidewalk he burst out of his front door with the excitement of a small child who had just gotten a video game system for Christmas despite the fact that his parents really couldn’t afford it. As he told me that he had been awaiting this day for his entire life my friend led me upstairs to his bedroom.
What awaited me was . . . Unexpected. A dead Mallard duck was propped up against a bookend with a leek shoved in its beak. After taking what must have been at least a solid minute or so I looked at this man whom I considered a friend and consciously blinked several times in an attempt to request an explanation without having to go through the awkwardness of actually asking.
“Isn’t it awesome!? I just found her lying on the side of the river by the elementary school just past the strip mall. Her name is Jet Leek. She’s too proud to live in a Poké Ball as you can see.”
Looking back at the duck it was then that I finally became aware of the smell. Thinking carefully about how to point out the obvious in a tactful manner I gave up and blatantly stated “I think it’s rotting dude.”.
“Nah, I haven’t had a chance to get her in the bath yet.”
At this point I had completely nothing. Nothing. Out of politeness and value for our friendship I congratulated him on his find and made up an excuse about running late for something. On the bus heading home I kept trying to process what had just happened. After a while I started to wonder why I was surprised.
After all, that’s like the fourth time he’s done that this year.
Someone bought this for me recently. This is my weapon for the zombie apocalypse.
The first thing that should be changed? That art. It’s so . . . Simplistic and childlike. Hire a renowned game artist like Yasuyuki Honne (Chrono Trigger, Xenoblade Chronicles, Baten Kaitos) or someone along those lines to draw us some truly art-defining snakes and a breathtaking atmosphere on the board. Also, new 3D figurines of heroic figures should be included. Monopoly had game pieces back in the 30s, why doesn’t this game have them yet!?
One thing Snakes and Ladders has always lacked was excellent music. Or any music at all really. Let’s get some Nobuo Uematsu up in this shit! Putting your figurine on the staring point starts up some music, and then you trigger increasingly more tense music as you move up the board, etc.
A rebalancing of the game’s ruleset would be pretty nice as well. Like maybe if you go so many spaces without hitting a snake you get a one-use perk. Something along the lines of getting to use a 20-sided die for a single turn or some sort of snake protection for two turns. Maybe you could choose perks and some other things before the game starts and add a little strategy into the mix, y’know?
The following was drawn by a Lolita Fashion group in Halifax. Bees riding things!
Okay, so we all know that cool guys don’t look at explosions right? But that can’t be all of it. What else don’t they look at? Come to think of it, I feel this applies to everyone regardless of age, race or gender. What else don’t cool people look at?
I imagine cool people don’t look at the band when they’re playing. But not in the sense that they’re doing something like watching the show through their phone’s camera or other such silliness. It’s like they don’t need to look at the band because they’re there to feel the music, not to just stand there and watch y’know?
Cool people don’t feel the need to look at the people behind them on the sidewalk. I’m pretty confident that this is true. After all it’s a pretty pointless thing to do unless you think you know the person or people behind you. If one can ignore an explosion than surely a small detail like a random person you will have no interaction with is also something that won’t capture your attention.
Not looking back when someone says ‘boo’ has to be a mark of the cool.
My girlfriend mentioned car/train crashes along with most disasters in general. I say she has a good point there. Having that much discipline is pretty badass. Not looking when a building is being professionally imploded would take a lot of discipline as well.
Oh! Cool people don’t look at the muggers they’re fighting off! It’s all like bam, elbow to the throat followed by casually walking away. This is officially now on my bucket list. Come at me bro.
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Even drawing a bee in Duke Nukem Forever sucks. Although I don’t hate this game as much as I’m told I should. If only it came out in the late 90’s like it should have.