A double header of notes I wrote four and a half years ago.

“An unbiased review of Diet Pepsi Max.”

So I had the new Diet Pepsi Max the other day. After drinking half a litre I must say the following:

There truly must be a divine power up above, for what was once perfect is now even more so. Twice the caffiene (sp?), more taste, less bite and all around awesome. I could seriously live on this stuff.

In fact, if I had divine powers, I wouldn’t turn water into wine. Wine makes people sleepy. I would turn it into Diet Pepsi Max so that my followers could rock and roll all night and worship me every day.

I highly recommend this stuff for you, your children, aunts but not uncles, the goldfish and your lawn. This is truly the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind, and I wish to share it with you all. So drink some today and POWER UP TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL AND THEN SOME WITH A BIT LEFTOVER!

That is all.


“I have a recipe for disaster. Stupid dollar store cookbook.”

So I had went to the local dollar store the other day to go shopping, because I am all hardcore and shit. I was having a look around while reminding myself not to pick up the poisoned Chinese toothpaste when I saw it. “The Only Cookbook You Will Ever Need.” Well, with a title like that how could anything possibly go wrong, right?

On my way to the cash I had decided to browse through the music section, because you can never have too many poor quality Mozart CDs. Approaching the cash, I felt a twinge of excitement. Man, is trying out some new food really supposed to affect me this way? Sad. I paid for my stuff with debit (yes, debit), and then walked home.

I had raced home, and as such my heart was racing whist I put on some Speed Racer. Opening my cookbook, a certain recipe had caught my eye. A recipe . . . for disaster. And I had all the ingredients.

With much haste I put everything together in a bowl and mixed on high for 10 minutes . . . by hand. Boy did that ever hurt the wrist. Thankfully I was used to it. Anyhoo . . .

So I poured my creation onto a baking sheet and cooked at some random temperature (it actually called for that in the book) for as long as I felt. After three hours I had taken it out. After tasting it and puking promptly I had realized that I had been misled. It didn’t cause a major disaster that could destroy cities. It just tasted like one. Stupid dollar store cookbook.

I cried myself to sleep that night . . .


The following bee was drawn by Steve who’s okay (I guess) at Marvel vs Capcom 2. I changed the text to reflect his true feelings about Megaman.

No story today, only a picture.‏

Hi everyone, I don’t have any stories today. I do have a picture of a bee for you though. Well, okay. Not quite a picture. But if a picture is worth a thousand words than surely describing a bee in detail is as good as a picture, right? Here we go *deep breath*:

So there is this amazing bee that I knew once upon a time. This bee was smaller than the pinhead of a needle but yet had the personality that could light up the whole room, even if that room was the most gloom tomb that ever did get exhumed. The bee had a name but it was rather lame so it doesn’t matter all the same. But in case you’re curious it’s quite frankly Frank.

Now this bee has quite the backstory behind it. This bee invented the tree for example. The world used to be a vapid void of nothingness with no colour and none of the air for the animals to breath. So this bee sat down one day in its little thinking hole and thought of an invention that could create oxygen while being at least partially solar powered. This bee is crazy smart in case you haven’t noticed.

Frank is a very avid fencer. He loves to build fences. Despite his microscopic size he builds fences larger than the Great Wall of China and tears them down completely from existence/time on a regular basis. It is an odd hobby, but it’s one that gets Frank through the work week. Frank is a very busy bee, about as busy as a be can possibly be as I believe it to be.

This bee has lived everywhere, and boy I mean everywhere! Just look at anything you can think of that exists. In your home, outside, random alleyways, whatever. He has lived in that for at least 14 milliseconds at some point in history. Even the parts of history that he has relived multiple times while living in different places each time. Intergalactic time-traveling nomad is a title that doesn’t even come close to describing the craziness that is Frank.

Did I say intergalactic? You bet I did! Frank’s been all over the place. I know because he has shown me a tiny suitcase with stickers from Jupiter on it and everything. He even has this adorable little bee spacesuit. I’m also amazed that he can carry a suitcase that would be considered large for a human but again this is the bee that invented the tree you see.

Frank’s favourite movie is not a human movie, but rather a documentary about movies that he made himself. Narcissistic? Very much so. But I’ve watched part of this movie and he covers /everything/. Even that time last Thursday evening when you were brushing your teeth.

Frank is your biggest fan. No matter where you are in life or what troubles you may face Frank will always think of you. Except for when you are thinking of him. For some reason the two of you may never think about each other at the same time. It makes him very uneasy and prone to sadness.

In the past he has been known to purposefully place a bet on the losing team during the Super Bowl just to make someone feel better about themselves. You know that situation where someone needs money but they’re too proud to accept any help? Frank knows what’s up. If he doesn’t have the money on hand he’ll go out and earn some just for the sake of making the losing bet.

Not believing in the concept of personal possessions Frank does not own very much. Although he does own enough stuff that I believe he may have been pulling my leg when he told me that one. Having the skills that he has makes him extremely wealthy so he always gets what he needs in exchange for a considerable donation. Ever wonder how a movie studio stays in business after a string of terrible movies? How a writer continues to find a way to publish without selling any books? This is why.

Although he does not believe in personal possessions he has not problem possessing persons quite frequently. But the only thing he ever does when he possesses a person is to make them forget that thing they were going to do after they walked into another room. Frank spend a rather unhealthy amount of time doing this although I’m not sure if there’s really any such thing as a healthy amount of time to spend on this activity.

Frank’s favourite superhero is the Hulk. He doesn’t view the Hulk as a person who becomes a monster when he’s angry but rather as a monster who becomes a rational person after working out his issues. Frank likes to consume a lot of media backwards. He finds Twilight empowering because he read it as a story about a woman who cures her own vampirism, leaves an abusive relationship and distances herself from the antagonist.

Musically Frank admittedly isn’t very diverse. His donated Zune mp3 player contains only music of the Calypso genre. Thousands of the greatest Calypso hits in fact which struck me as a surprise because I wasn’t even aware it had a large enough scene to produce that many songs in the first place.

Clothing is something that plays a rather large role in Frank’s life. I’m not sure why. First of all he’s a bee and second of all he’s so small that you couldn’t see any of his clothing anyway. But he invented trees and I just sit around playing video games all day so what do I know right? I suppose maybe it has something to do with his background in film may have something to do with it. At any rate any picture that Frank has him wearing a different outfit. But you can’t see him anyway so . . . As long as he amuses himself I guess.

Well, there is an artist’s rendition of Frank that someone commissioned once so that something could potentially be shown to the curious at some point. I know I said I was only going to provide a descriptive picture delivered through words but you know what? I love you guys. Below is an enlarged picture of Frank being drawn like a naive French girl.