I want in on this novelty alarm clock jazz.‏

Inventing something weird seems to be one of the easiest ways to quickly make a hundred grand I feel and there appears to be some sort of movement in the alarm clock industry. Here’s a list of alarm clocks I need to make and patent as soon as possible:

– A robotic cat that wakes you up way too early and meows until you feed it. That way people who are allergic to animals can enjoy one of the finest joys of life.

– An alarm clock inside a diamond case that you must deactivate using only telekinesis. Now, it’s been while since I had telekinesis for like two minutes right after being injected with morphine at the hospital but I’m pretty sure that; 1) It actually happened so shut up. 2) Listen, I’m not going to argue about this so just follow along and deal with it. 3) It takes a lot of mental exertion to use any such ability.

– Something that brews coffee that can be timed to have the coffee ready for the time you wake up. When your set time comes along your coffee is then dumped on your face. A real time saver!

– A special bed sheet that escapes from you, pretends to be a ghost and haunts you awake.

– Life-sized toy catcher machine claw. Need I say more?

– A device that produces a nutrient-deprived tree on the spot in the corner of your room while a fan turns on covering you with the smell and feel of fall. If this fails to wake you up peacefully the tree falls over onto you after 30 seconds.