Everyday errands.

I went to town/
I had a frown.
But I never expected/
That I would drown.

But there I went/
As reality bent.
Out of a small garage/
Many tonnes of water were sent.

I was in over my head/
And was filled with dread.
All I wanted to do/
Was buy some organic bread.

There’s something I’m forgetting/
Something I’d be regretting.
I looked at my grocery list/
And then stopped my fretting.

I was ready for this/
I was filled with bliss.
On my list was a note/
In case something with amiss.

I simply stopped believing in water/
In this I did not falter.
I’m so glad I learned this trick/
From my good friend Walter.

The flood went away/
Back down by the bay.
But I stopped believing in water/
And died from dehydration the next day.

I think I'm getting better at these?

I think I’m getting better at these?

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah buddy!

There’s a five alarm fire and I just remembered my desire. I wanna go into the sky and keep going higher.

Y’all don’t even know how bad I want this.

When I was a preteen I climbed a tree and reached for the stars. It took the firemen like an hour to talk me down but I saved on time by falling out of the tree instead. I may have spent six or seven years in intensive care and had my Sega Genesis taken away for part of that period but it was totally worth it to live the dream for just a moment.

Having spent most of my late childhood/early teens in the hospital without even so much as a day pass left me unable to cope with the social pressures of high school. When I wasn’t busy being thrown into every object imaginable (Glass beaker displays were the worst!) I spent my days looking forward to the night so I could stare at the stars. I just wanted to be among the stars sooooooooo hard it hurt me deeply.

Now where was I . . .

Oh right! I’m being burned alive in this fire! I think this will have to be the end of the post as I am now dead. Cheers!



Are footbags one of the best things ever invented?

This morning on the bus to work I saw a construction worker playing with a hacky sack. He looked absolutely ridiculous. But then I thought about it for a bit:

This little bag of beads is easy to carry around, can relieve boredom during downtime, is used to play social games with others and provides a fair bit of exercise.

Maybe I should get one.


Hacky Sack design copyright 2013 because I can open up Paint and totally copyright things if Facebook has taught me anything.

Why aren’t pet squirrels more of a thing?

I imagine that having a pet squirrel would be amazing. Like, wouldn’t it be really ticklish and weird if they climbed all over you? And what if you could train them to grab you small things off the top shelf and stuff? That’d be fantastic.


Wait, when did I become an adult?

Today while on a break from my office job I decided to forego buying an album and bought sunscreen instead. After half an hour or so it hit me. When did I start having mature priorities in life? Why am I only thinking of this now at the age of 26? When was the moment in your life that you realized the same for yourself if you’ve done so yet?

Okay, now that I have an opening paragraph long enough to mess with the WordPress/Facebook previews, let’s get something going here. Something a little more exciting if I may . . .

Let me tell you about something that’s going to happen tomorrow that I’m not actually aware of yet.

In the near future I’m going to go completely stir-crazy. You see, I’ll be in the kitchen when . . . Ha ha, just kidding. I’m not that terrible of a writer.

It’s a little hazy but in my near future I see myself in a shabby, worn out three piece suit as if I just wore it through a fierce battle. I apparently become rich somehow.  A wrecked hummer can be found parked in the middle of a casino lobby. Whether that has anything to do with me I’m not sure, but I’m being blamed for it anyway. I get beat up and thrown into jail. I escape. Making my way to a secluded forest north of a small town in a rural area of a central Canadian province, I use my money to become their king.

Using the resources of my small town I gather my loyal subjects together and we take over a smaller town. Then I pool the two towns together and take over a town that’s slightly smaller than the combination of those two towns. I repeat this until I become the Prime Minister. Then after a long struggle I finally manage to outlaw spiders while still having time for a sweet photo op before bed.

When this happens I’ll post pics as proof.

Memos are not a thing I do well. I am so sorry.

Memos are not a thing that I do well. I am so sorry.

I was going to post about how much I despise potatoes.

However, I was informed that I no longer hate potatoes. And it’s kind of true! I will eat mashed potatoes when they’re soaked in like a million pounds of butter or gravy. I spent my high school/college years hyping up my hatred of potatoes.

I no longer know what to do with my life.