A list of things that blew my small-village mind.

So recently I mentioned how I grew up in a small fishing village and moved to a city right after high school. After over seven years I’ve adjusted fairly well but every once in a while something still blows my mind. Over the years I was all like “Woah” when:

– I found out that bus monitors are a thing. People get paid to supervise children on school buses? I thought the driver was supposed the supervisor as well ha ha.

– On that note, some schools have an in-house police officer!? Dude. When I was in high school it was a huge deal when someone got busted for having weed in their locker that one time.

– So I was living with a couple friends a couple years ago and as I was walking down the hallway to our 8th floor apartment, it hit me. This single building has a larger population than my hometown.

– Wait, jaywalking laws are actually enforced? Huh.

– OH MAN THERE’S MORE THAN TWO PIZZA PLACES/BARS/ANYTHING WHAT IS THIS?

– Not everybody sits around a campfire every weekend and drinks while talking about some other time they were sitting around a campfire while drinking. Neat.

– Seeing three Tim Horton’s on the same street within a city block of each other. I’d love to have a business so successful that I can open that many stores so close together with all of them being profitable.

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An extremely huge bowl of pot.‏

While I sitting at home staring at the living room wall waiting for life to happen the other night I heard the doorbell ring. Cool, that actually works sometimes!

Opening the door I was greeted by a bowl that was five feet wide and four feet deep. There’s no way this thing managed to ring the buzzer. I looked both ways and saw someone running away to my right while giggling. People really seem to enjoy running away from me whilst giggling. Have I had a piece of corn on my face my entire life or something? At any rate that person was too far for me to catch up. Mainly due to my large amounts of lazy.

I just checked again and I don’t think there’s any corn on my face.

Peering inside of the bowl I saw it. The biggest stainless steel cooking pot I had ever seen in my life. I approved of it if for no other reason than for how shiny it was. After remodelling my apartment building, dragging it in and restoring the building to normal all in the span of sixteen seconds with the help of sixteen sweet sixteens from suite sixteen I finally had it in my living room.

So now I have a huge bowl with a slightly less huge pot inside my apartment. I have absolutely no idea what to do with it.

No, seriously. I have nothing. Any ideas?

(Editor’s Note: I cannot take credit for the following, everyone involved is in the video’s description on the YouTube page.)

Life as a hamster must be pretty sweet.‏

I wanna be a hamster when I grow up.

Everything must look so amazing to a hamster. Like, a single piece of Captain Crunch is a large, sugary meal.

You know what, I’m bored with the hamster thing already. Let’s talk about how awesome it would be to be able to live off of nothing but Captain Crunch.

So it’s not particularly expensive. Well . . . It depends on how much you eat in a day I guess. But it’s always on sale somewhere so with a little traveling you could easily do three boxes a day for under ten bucks. That’s under 300 dollars a month on food which ain’t too shabby.

Eating nothing but Captain Crunch will fill you up with essential sugar, which in turn will MAKE YOU SO POWERFUL! HOW POWERFUL!? HOW ABOUT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO LIFT THE SUN!? And being able to move the sun around has many benefits. Don’t believe me? Check it:

– Moving the sun allows you to set the temperature anywhere in the universe to anything you want it to be. Who needs to live outside one’s comfort zone when your comfort zone includes entire galaxies?

– Something in the way? Simply use the sun to burn it.

– And talk about impressing the ladies/gentlemen, am I right? Nothing secures a second date like tipping the waiter with a piece of sun.

Secondarily, Captain Crunch has lots of fibre. I think. Too lazy to do the fact checking right now.