Things to keep in mind while you vote tomorrow.

Many of you may be heading off to the polls tomorrow to cast a your vote for the American
Presidency. However with this responsibility comes a grave danger. How will you entertain
yourselves during those long lineups? Smartphones make this much easier to endure, but for
everyone else here’s a survival guide on how to stave off boredom during this crucial time:

First and foremost, don’t be afraid to try and fistbump as many people as possible (If
they’re willing of course.). Not only are the reactions generally amusing, but you could
even make a friend or two. This will help when your choice of president loses the election
and you need someone to talk to about how everything in your life/country is about to go to

Once that gets old, wait a couple minutes and then meow very, very gently. If nobody looks
around just wait another minute and try again. If somebody does look, look around as well. Try
to act just as confused as they are. If they accuse you deny it the best you can. This
should help kill a few minutes.

A ball in a cup never, never goes out of style. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen one of
those toy paddles with the ball attached in awhile either. But no yo-yos. You’re not in
high school.

When you’re near the front of the line, take out a coin and flip it. Regardless of which
side you catch it on mutter something along the lines of “Well, that wasn’t who I had in
mind but okay.” and then proceed to vote for who you were planning to vote for anyway.
Sometimes to be entertained you must become the entertainer.

Hopefully this makes the whole process much easier for you. Happy voting! ❤

When I no longer rue the world, and decide to begin ruling it instead.

Yes, I’m doing that hack writing thing where I talk about what I would do if I ran the world as if anybody is supposed to care.

First thing to go? My dishes. Once I’m rich they’re becoming disposable. But I don’t mean disposable as in the kind that are labelled as such on the packaging. I mean disposable as in I’m going to buy whatever dishes I want, use them once and then hurl them against a wall above a chute that feeds into a trash compactor when I’m done.

Second? Nobody will be allowed to refer to eating an unhealthy snack as being naughty or bad. I don’t wanna hear women at the office saying things like “Mmmmmm, I’m being so naughty today.” unless it’s in between makeout sessions with each other.

Third: I will open a theme park filled with nothing but bunnies. They’ll all be given wonderful homes and taken care of. The park will have plenty of free roaming areas where bunnies will run around and people can pet them if they’re willing.

Other miscellaneous things would include making spiders extinct while finding a way to fill their role in our ecosystem, making my own video game company and probably something that involves making me stupid rich. Because honestly, I’m human after all.

Hmmm . . . Outside of that it’d be mostly the usual stuff. Making war illegal, distributing wealth more evenly and all that stuff. If nothing else the ego boost from solving the world’s problems would totally make my life ha ha.

Poetry Slam!

I was posting posters on a post,
To share my love of toast.
I even snuck them onto poles of light,
Just before I quickly took flight.

But from behind I was caught!
I struggled and I fought.
I turned and saw my assailant was a cop.
Needless to say he came out on top.

I came up with a solution,
It was the only logical conclusion.
The only way he will let me go,
Is if I impress him with my mad flow.

“I’m going to get this off my chest,
And tell you why you’re being a pest.
I have the right to advertise,
And I don’t need any of your jazzercise.

My main commodity is knowledge,
I got more than a college.
I be bringing these mad rhymes,
All of the . . . Times?”

My freestyle rap failed to provide thrills,
He was not impressed with my skills.
Instead of simply letting me go,
He stomped on my left big toe.

Then he told me to stop with the postering,
Or a court date would be a’fostering.
He told me to have a nice day,
Before skipping along on his merry way.