Distractions. I had an announcement in here somewhere.

Sometimes people ask me what I’m thinking. Usually I have to struggle to come up with a thought that is relevant because if I shared what was really on my mind it’d become very obvious that I wasn’t paying attention.

I wonder why anybody would get excited over a horse-drawn carriage? Personally I’m not even sure you could look at anything drawn by a horse and have any idea as to what it’s supposed to be. 

It took me many, many years to come to grips with the fact that I’m actually a very terrible listener. Despite having passed hearing tests as a teenager with flying colors it was only within the past couple of years that I realized that my problem is actually that I can’t really focus on what any one person is saying. I can get distracted by anything. And I mean anything.

Apparently there’s a webcomic called Poorly Drawn Lines. I get some hits from people looking for that. With that said I get about as many hits from people looking for drawn erotica so maybe I shouldn’t think about it too much. Or maybe I’ve stumbled upon a new niche market I can tap into.

Oh, exciting news! We now have a button maker! One for larger buttons too! I might have a design or two up for sale soon.

Marsha has pretty much made it mandatory for all visitors to drawn bees.

Marsha has pretty much made it mandatory for all visitors to draw bees.

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Since it’s the season I have to wonder this out loud.

There’s something I never understood. Why do people seek entertainment in the horror genre? As someone who scares easily and has a hard time shaking that off, I can’t for the life of me understand why people go out of their way to instill fear in themselves. Especially when that fear is regarding things that can’t possibly exist like monsters and the like.

Somebody please help me out here, I’m genuinely curious.

(I’m recycling this picture because it’s kind of relevant.)

I have something that I need a lot of help with quickly.

I don’t want to wash the dishes. I do want a pet. Which pet would be the best for me to get if I want to teach it how to do the dishes?

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The last in the trilogy of pictures that Danny sent me, it may not be a bee but this recreation of one of the greatest scenes in movie history is still relevant. Thanks again!

I should take up spreading false information on Facebook as a hobby.

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of false information being passed around Facebook as fact. Mostly stuff from satirical news sources and the like from people who don’t notice the articles are written to be a joke. It makes me wonder what I could get away with in terms of making up something and trying to convince half the world that it’s fact.

It’ll have to be something eye-catching and based on something that people will care enough about to relate to it while at the same time not caring enough to actually research it. I don’t know enough tweens for anything resembling the following to work, so that’s out:

Parody news can be fun and is easier to spread, but I almost feel that it’s overdone thanks to all the sites out there that are basically a knockoff of The Onion. Just in case you’re out of the loop, Bill Nye didn’t go on a curse-laden rampage, nor was he blamed for a hurricane, nor is he debating Todd Akin. Samsung didn’t pay Apple in nickles either. Fake animal facts are pretty easy as well, but making claims such has live dogs/cats being used as shark bait being a widespread practice is pretty cruel in itself (There was a case where several fishermen were prosecuted with such a thing, the dogs involved were already dead.).

That leaves me with fake science. As long as it’s not potentially harmful it can be pretty fun. I think I’ll go with that. Hell, I may even post it on this site and link people to that post as it appears directly above this one ha ha. Or maybe I’ll buffer at least once post in between first. Hmmm.

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Adam from The Last Gamestore submitted this and suggested it may be a poorly crafted bee. I dunno. I just accept these things, upload them and move on with life ha ha. At any rate thanks Adam!

I did it!

After six stifling months of a dreaded temporary assignment I fled from the building after my last shift. Freedom! It’s here! I can do whatever I want for the next ten days until the next one starts! The only problem is that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my time.

There was only one way to find out. I ran to the top of the nearest cliff. With one foot on a rock and the other on the ground, I struck a pose as the wind began to blow through my hair. The sky was ablaze with the wonderful sunset, and just as I have learned from video games, lines of text depicting my future began to scroll from from the horizon.

“As our hero finds his freedom,
An infinite chasm of choices await.”

Oh jeez, it’s going to do the whole setting up the story thing. Let’s get on with it already!

“Within time he will learn his destiny,
But that is not the only thing he will learn.”

Man, who writes garbage like this. Seriously?

“A man who will become aware of his true flaws,
Will become a man who blames others no more.
The very thing he has feared the most,
Is the very thing he will be the cause of.”

A little redundant, but now I’m scared.

“A struggle to find meaning in his spare time,
Will be the most meaningless struggle of all.
Because given ten minutes or ten days,
He will simply sit there online and look at stupid pictures anyway.

You know what? Screw you mystical text in the sky. My time off is going to be awesome! Just you wait and see.

What if my arms were actually rhinos?

What if I could meld my arms into things without hurting them? I’m thinking something like Axel from Twisted Metal but with animals instead of giant wheels. Axel is a character who’s basically fused into these giant tires with some other mechanical bits, as shown below.

What if I could have my arms fused into the side of a pair of rhinos? Oh man, the power!

I wonder how it would feel like to steer such large animals with my arms. Turning by turning one arm closer to my chest and one arm away from my chest would definitely be a rush the first few times. At first I’d be worried about running into things but given the size of the creatures I’m sure they’d hit things before I do. And unless it’s something large it probably wouldn’t bother them anywhere near as much as it would bother me.

Dude! Maybe flapping my arms would make them jump. That might very well be the very thing I now desire more than anything, even more so than an infinite supply of special Diet Pepsi and bacon that has no negative effect on my health. I’d find a desolate place and just jump around while relishing the complete and utter destruction that I’d be causing.

Hmmmm, I just realized something. How would I ever traverse anything like stairs or anything that would require me to reach a higher point in the building? I mean, I could probably just punch some buildings down but that doesn’t give me a good view of the horizon and as an undesired sound effect it seems to kill people a lot.

Conclusion: I desire having rhinos for arms, but only some of the time. I feel the ability to go all “Animorphs” with each of my arms instead of my entire being would make for an excellent comic mini-series or OVA of some sort. Maybe I should starting writing and doing the art now!

I don’t think it works for bees though.

A list of things that would hurt me if I kicked them.

A wall. For the most part.

Mike Tyson.

The leg of that table which I swear if I stub my toe on it for like the seventh time tonight I’m going to destroy the thing entirely using only thoughts of explosions.

A cardboard box full of German Shepherds. Also, a cardboard box full of shepherds that happen to be German.

The majority of doors which is super disappointing.

The Queen (Although the pain wouldn’t be from her directly . . . Probably her guards or something.).

Cute animals, although the pain is more emotional in that case to be honest.

Beehives. Although it is an impressive feat of agility.

Marsha suggested an alligator. That’s reasonable.

BEARS! THE ALLIGATORS OF THE LAND!

A glass box of rusty nails.

City Hall regardless of if it’s in session or not.

The sun, the stars, a lit fireplace . . . Anything that is made of fire.

Robots that look like people. I fall for it every time.

Myself.

(Editor’s Note: The follow picture is from my girlfriend and several of her friends (One of these bees was drawn by a semi-professional manga artist.). All of these were drawn left handed on a moving train.)