Why aren’t pet squirrels more of a thing?

I imagine that having a pet squirrel would be amazing. Like, wouldn’t it be really ticklish and weird if they climbed all over you? And what if you could train them to grab you small things off the top shelf and stuff? That’d be fantastic.

bee

Everything I know about bees.‏

A lot of people have been accusing me lately of not knowing anything about bees, claiming that I’ve been stereotyping bees as a cartoonish creature of little importance instead of an important part of our ecosystem.

Listen, I know tons about bees. Like the following:

Bees are fuzzy and have some legs.

All bees are secretly ninjas. Or are all ninjas secretly bees? Would either one really be that different from the other?

They don’t take any of your shit. None. They will up and up leave if you try to start anything with them.

A bee was certainly not involved with the writing of this post whether it be directly or indirectly by . . . I don’t know . . . Standing on my eyebrow with a stinger pointed at my eye.

I feel like the Queen doesn’t like bees and I resent her for that.

Bees know where the sweet spots are.

They’re also really cuddly. Try it out sometime! (Editor’s Note: Don’t actually try that out.) (Addendum to Editor’s Note: Ignore the Editor’s Note, live a little. C’moooooooon.)

Bees can fly.

They can fit into a lot of small places. You never know where they’ll turn up! Better start checking everywhere all the time just to be safe.

Every bee is best friends with every other bee.

Bees are totally not at all like horses. Additionally you cannot ride a bee no matter how hard you close your eyes and wish.

Some bees just want to watch the world burn (Pictured below.).