Oh, hello there.

It was a rather ordinary day at work. Another day banging away at the keyboard to hack away fruitlessly at a constantly growing mountain of data to enter.

I heard a buzzing. Faint at first, it became louder and closer until it was like a bee in my ear. This made sense because there was a bee in my ear.

“Goddammit Frank. What do you want now?” I asked followed by an exasperated sigh through my nose.

“I need your help Tyler! I’m desperate!” This question was topped off by the visual of Frank buzzing around erratically a foot in front of my face while producing rainbow sparkles and all sorts of similar garbage.

“Alright, what can I help you with this time?”

“I really really really really need your help this time! I need your help so bad I don’t know what . . . “

“I already said I’d help, please stop.”

” . . . I don’t know what I’m going to do I’m freaking out whatever will I do I can’t deal with this please . . . “

“STOP!” I demanded. I was weary of this before it even began, words couldn’t describe how annoyed I was now. “What do you need?”

Frank took a deep breath. 

“I’m going to Olive Garden tonight and I’m not sure how much I should tip?”

Ho.

Ly.

Shit.

This was a complete waste of time. Like always. I buried my forehead in one hand and sighed again.

“I dunno. General rule of thumb is fifteen percent I guess. Adjust as needed.”

With an exuberant thanks Frank poofed away in a puff of smoke.

And that’s why this report was late. I absolutely swear that’s the case. Please don’t fire me.

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I am so good at Splatoon 2. Someday I’ll even play the game proper!

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Around the clock.

I just noticed that it’s one and my work is almost done.

I stuck around until two and then from the office I flew.

At quarter to three I was still running with glee.

When the clock hit four I ran into my front door.

Relaxed until five and I started getting ready to jive.

Just before I left at six I got my Counter-Strike fix.

I left my place at seven feeling like I’m in heaven.

Got there just before eight, but then I had to wait.

She showed up at nine, and she was lookin’ fine!

We hit the floor at ten, I saw the jealously in all the other men.

Well past eleven and I still felt like I did at seven.

Once the time was twelve . . . I realized that delve and shelve wouldn’t work and I can’t think of anything that would fit so that would mean that this post is stupid and whatever.

What are you all up to this weekend?

I did it!

After six stifling months of a dreaded temporary assignment I fled from the building after my last shift. Freedom! It’s here! I can do whatever I want for the next ten days until the next one starts! The only problem is that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my time.

There was only one way to find out. I ran to the top of the nearest cliff. With one foot on a rock and the other on the ground, I struck a pose as the wind began to blow through my hair. The sky was ablaze with the wonderful sunset, and just as I have learned from video games, lines of text depicting my future began to scroll from from the horizon.

“As our hero finds his freedom,
An infinite chasm of choices await.”

Oh jeez, it’s going to do the whole setting up the story thing. Let’s get on with it already!

“Within time he will learn his destiny,
But that is not the only thing he will learn.”

Man, who writes garbage like this. Seriously?

“A man who will become aware of his true flaws,
Will become a man who blames others no more.
The very thing he has feared the most,
Is the very thing he will be the cause of.”

A little redundant, but now I’m scared.

“A struggle to find meaning in his spare time,
Will be the most meaningless struggle of all.
Because given ten minutes or ten days,
He will simply sit there online and look at stupid pictures anyway.

You know what? Screw you mystical text in the sky. My time off is going to be awesome! Just you wait and see.

It’s just a wisp of a thing!‏

As I sat at my cubicle a tiny rock caught my eye. Barely large enough to see without straining. Must’ve gotten stuck in my shoe or something.

Picking it up I pondered what kind of journey must’ve led it here. Was this rock always native to Nova Scotia? Perhaps it was stuck to the shoe of a visitor. A distant visitor? More than likely a visitor from within the province, but what if it was from an international tourist?

What if this rock had somehow managed to travel here from another country? Oh, there are so many to choose from. What climates has this rock been exposed to? Was this a piece of a rock that had drifted to show from the frigid waters of the north? Or perhaps it was a rock that was at the very center of the equator. Maybe this rock was from the very center of the earth and was carried out by a volcano!

*Gasp* Could it be that this rock is a piece of a meteorite!? That would be so cool! If this rock could tell its tale maybe it would tell me a story of the wonders of space. Is there life in space that can live without air? This could . . .

. . . Aww damn, I dropped it. Now I can’t find it . . . Oh hey, that pencil is unusually shiny! I wonder what kind of journey must’ve led it here . . .

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