So I’m trying to play some Tekken online with some friends the other night but my PS3 was all like “I ain’t reading your cable buddy-guy!” to which I responded “Why not and since when could you talk?”. Turns out it didn’t feel like having anything plugged into it that night so I had to play wireless but Tekken Tag Tournment 2 has slick netcode so nobody was any the wiser.

Then the next day I tried to play some Street Fighter X Tekken online because the big patch is here and I have to pretend I didn’t openly despise the game all this time for at least a couple months. My PS3 finally consented to taking the cord, but the experience was . . . Jarring to say the least. The visuals would show a hit that was actually a block, people were randomly teleporting halfway across the screen instead of jumping . . . I don’t what game this was but it wasn’t the one I signed up for!

So I hit up Skype and talked to buddy I was playing online with the other night about how I should make amends to my internet. He suggested poetry and flowers.

. . . Genius!

It took me a week to make the arrangements but I knew it would be worth it. Then the time came on a quiet Friday evening. After laying a bouquet of several dozen roses onto the modem I brought in a local barbershop quartet to sing this poem:

“Oh baby/
You’re so fine.
Now please let me/
Go online!”

Just in case that wasn’t classy enough, I also paid them to sing this haiku:

“Oh you, internet.
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please
Work for me now? Please?”

My significant other questioned how I could afford all of this, especially since I told her I was too broke to do much for Valentine’s Day. To which I told her that maybe I would pay more attention to her if she did stuff like this:

(Don’t read too much into that one, okay?)

I’d give credit, but she put her name and the inspiration right there! Plus one for my laziness!
But seriously, thanks Ting Ting, you rock! :3