Living Art.

So a theme that we’ve seen in various stories is of that regarding an artist who can paint/draw something and have it come to life. But what if that power was in the hands of someone who draws rather poorly?

All of those poor bees, jeeez.

Wait, let’s talk about something else for a minute here. People who try to barge into bathroom stalls without knocking first when they see that the door is already closed. Why wouldn’t you at least tap the door a few times first? I don’t understand how people can’t see how rude they’re being when they slam into the door or try to pull it open without checking. Being scared while on the can isn’t cool.

Anyway, so having your drawings come to life is a power that can indeed be wasted on somebody with no talent. Trying to draw weapons be effective because your guns wouldn’t work, your blades would be blunt objects at best, and anything that’s hastily drawn with no skill would likely fall apart upon use anyway.

And the food thing. How would that work? Can you draw nutritional value? If a piece of food is poorly drawn does it become rotten/stale/etc upon its arrival to reality? Oh, and forget about transportation altogether. Any vehicle created would be more likely to kill the driver rather than provide any transportation whatsoever.

Lastly, I shudder at the thought of all the new and terrifying creatures that would be drawn into existence.


The following picture was drawn by Kenneth using Gimp, and he calls it the open source poorly drawn bee. Thanks Kenneth!

I’m being assaulted by jelly beans.

I’m strapped to a chair. I have lost the will to fight anymore. Deprived of food, water, sleep and any form of entertainment or interaction with any living creature, I was no longer able to fend them off. I barely came to, and now I have no idea what will happen next.

That’s when the torture began. The jelly beans slowly marched into the room through a tiny rat hole, one by one. They ambled over to me and began to chew at my ankles, savoring my many flavors. Or single flavor. I never chewed on my ankles before, so I’m not sure. I was too weak to stop them.

That’s when I realized something. JELLY BEANS ARE FOOD! I AM SO STUPID!

I feigned strength, hoping that I could hold on long enough for my plan to work. I pretended that they were not hurting me. They began to travel all over my body, searcing for my weak point. When one crawled into my mouth and had a nibble, I screamed my best painful scream. Anxious to finish me off, they all crawled into my mouth. However, before they ate my tounge, I DECIDED TO EAT THEM INSTEAD! YUMMY AND FREEDOM ARE AWESOME!

I waited for my surge of power that would see me break through my bonds and rip everything in half. Then I realized that jelly beans are bad for me. Then I realized that the only thing that was holding me to the chair was a seat belt. So I undid it and walked out the front door. If only I realized my intellectual advantage over the jelly beans sooner, this never would’ve happened.


The following picture was drawn by my good friend Real. I debated putting this up since it’s not really poorly drawn ha ha.

The Selah touch.‏

It was like having the Midas touch. Except instead of having everything I touch turn to gold everything I touched turned to squirrels. Thankfully this allowed me to eat unlike the previously mentioned curse, but man does eating raw squirrel get real old real fast.

It was something I discovered at work the other day. Not sure exactly how or when it happened but I was typing as usual and suddenly the keys began to turn into tiny squirrels and run away. It’s hard to type when your keys run into the desk drawers and the walls. I started to get up from my chair by firmly placing my hands on the arm rests which in turn made the chair transform into a giant squirrel. Angry squirrels are not comfortable seats and are more than capable of running through doors. As in the smash, bash and crash kind of running through doors.

Having so much destruction caused so quickly by my actions (As indirect as they may be.) caused me panic. I needed to get out of there before anyone knew I was involved and I had mere seconds to do something. So I knelt down and slammed my hands on the floor. The floor turned into squirrels and I feel though to the next floor down. I continued to do this for each floor. I had to be careful for the first couple floors but after that the squirrels started to cushion my fall although they made actually touching each consecutive floor more difficult. Eventually I made it to the ground floor and by this point everything was such a mess of destruction and squirrels that I managed to flee unnoticed. It didn’t appear that anybody else was hurt but I had no time to confirm that.

I made my way home while being extremely careful not to touch anything with my bare skin. Thankfully I had forgotten to lock my apartment door that morning. Admittedly I couldn’t help but pet a cat on the way home while nobody was looking just to watch it change from a cat to a squirrel by my hand. It was weird. Poor cat.

As I became hungry I knew I was in a dire situation. Other than the clothes I already had on I couldn’t touch anything without it running away, including gloves. Seeing a box of cereal I reach out to touch the box. It transforms and runs away. The bag does the same. Taking a deep sigh I quickly toss a piece of the loose cereal in my mouth.

It was the most terrible thing I had ever ate, both in taste and in emotion. But I needed to eat. So I continued until I had eaten just enough to take care of my hunger. Are these really animals with real lives that I’m eating? I had no way of knowing.

Unsure of where to go from here I went out to sit on my balcony. Taking great care not to touch anything with my bare skin I slumped down with my back against the building. My head fell back as I looked up at the tree branches above me and sighed the most defeated sign a person could produce.

A squirrel came down onto the balcony, resting within my reach. I started to wonder what would happen if I were to touch it. It’s already a squirrel, where could things possibly go from here? Would it become . . . Another squirrel? That wouldn’t even make sense. Not that any of this made sense to begin with.

Slowly I reached toward the squirrel. Thankfully it hadn’t noticed me. I gently poked it with my finger . . .


Then the tree exploded, followed by the other buildings, the balcony, the building I lived in, the ground . . . You get the idea. Finally I exploded. Painlessly thankfully.

Space is my home now, and squirrels are the only things I know. As my body is spread out throughout the universe I eventually black out from the pain. The last thing I saw was an asteroid breaking apart a squirrel.

I wake up in a grassy field. And only the panda suit remains.