Why aren’t pet squirrels more of a thing?

I imagine that having a pet squirrel would be amazing. Like, wouldn’t it be really ticklish and weird if they climbed all over you? And what if you could train them to grab you small things off the top shelf and stuff? That’d be fantastic.

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Some thoughts:

Just once I’d love to see a corporate entity be openly disgusted with failing to meet their goal for a charity drive. Imagine going on a bus and seeing an ad for a fast food company with a picture of some sad children and something along the lines of: “Whelp, we only raised $5,000 for ________ last year. What a waste of time and effort.”

I was walking around downtown one day while wondering how to advance my career as a foot model. My problem is that I wasn’t getting anywhere near enough exposure. So I took my shoes and socks off. Problem solved.

Someday I will die a heroic death to save someone. As she holds me in her arms, I will tell her “If you see my wife, tell her that I love her,” to which she will reply “It’s me, I’m right here.” “How convenient,” I will say as I breathe my last.

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Distractions. I had an announcement in here somewhere.

Sometimes people ask me what I’m thinking. Usually I have to struggle to come up with a thought that is relevant because if I shared what was really on my mind it’d become very obvious that I wasn’t paying attention.

I wonder why anybody would get excited over a horse-drawn carriage? Personally I’m not even sure you could look at anything drawn by a horse and have any idea as to what it’s supposed to be. 

It took me many, many years to come to grips with the fact that I’m actually a very terrible listener. Despite having passed hearing tests as a teenager with flying colors it was only within the past couple of years that I realized that my problem is actually that I can’t really focus on what any one person is saying. I can get distracted by anything. And I mean anything.

Apparently there’s a webcomic called Poorly Drawn Lines. I get some hits from people looking for that. With that said I get about as many hits from people looking for drawn erotica so maybe I shouldn’t think about it too much. Or maybe I’ve stumbled upon a new niche market I can tap into.

Oh, exciting news! We now have a button maker! One for larger buttons too! I might have a design or two up for sale soon.

Marsha has pretty much made it mandatory for all visitors to drawn bees.

Marsha has pretty much made it mandatory for all visitors to draw bees.

New Year’s Resolutions. How did they become a thing?

As many of us curse ourselves for continuing to write down ‘2012’ on various forms for the next few weeks many more of us will break promises that we have made to ourselves in wake of the new year. Personally I’m going to dread going to the gym since the next six weeks is pretty much the worst time to go ever if you’re already a regular. But I digress.

Then there are those who feel that the concept of New Year’s Resolutions are silly. Why pick that particular time to plan a life change? Shouldn’t you try to improve yourself year-round? Until earlier today I was in that mindset myself.

But then I thought about the things I would like to change in my life. I thought about how I spend too much time on Reddit/other pointless timekillers and less time doing things like socializing or even finishing my massive back log of games/books/albums I’ve yet to listen to. That led into me thinking about how I could probably be a better significant other at times, and from there I started to think about things I could change about myself.

In the shower just now it hit me. New Year’s Resolutions are important because it’s a reminder to sit down and think about our problems rationally and come up with solutions. Even if we generally fail at said solutions many people wouldn’t even attempt them had they not been forced to think about what it is they would want to change in the first place. I felt a little stupid because this way of thinking is exactly the type of thing I was taught is extremely important when I was in therapy for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and as such I feel like I should’ve figured this out long, long ago.

So with that said I’m going to attempt to get off the temp train this year (For those who aren’t in the know, I’ve been working a variety of temporary jobs for quite awhile now), try to be more proactive with my hobbies (And spend less time looking at badly captioned photos and live streams of games I don’t even care about [Except for you Jay, there’s always time to hassle you ha ha]), put some effort into making bees interesting again (Instead of copping out and using MS Paint all the time) and stop telling my girlfriend that she’s a poopface all the time.

Or at least do it less frequently. ❤

Speaking of her, she went out last night but left me this little note. She’s kind of the best.

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Hey baby, is that a mirror in your pants? That’s kind of narcissistic isn’t it?‏

Have you ever done that thing where you go to pull a door handle but you miss with your hand and wind up stumbling backwards instead? It’s fun having to explain to other people in the bathroom that I’m not drunk.

I want to create an animal with the heart of a lion, the spirit of a lion, and the body of a lion . . . Come to think of it, I kind of want a pet lion I guess.

Beatnik is a word that I haven’t seen/heard in a long time. Maybe it’s due for a comeback?

So what are you all up to this weekend?

Ever have that thought that just rewrites your childhood?

My mother, sister and myself moved around quite a bit throughout my early years. I spent my preteens in a small farming community and before that I lived in a trailer park for a few years. My teens were spent entirely in one of those tiny fishing villages that Nova Scotia is frequently associated with.

Growing up I never felt at home. Somehow I was a city kid trapped in the countryside despite never having actually lived in a city. The slow paced rural life always bored me, and living in a fishing village with an ever-increasing higher percentage of homes being owned by those who only intended on living there in the summer didn’t exactly help to create any illusions of excitement. Once I turned 18 I set about fixing this as quickly as I could which resulted in me living in a nearby town for a couple of months before moving to The Halifax Regional Municipality.

A year and a half or so at the age of 24 I was living with a couple of friends of mine in Halifax. It was the first time I had lived in a full-sized apartment building with a double-digit number of floors, balconies, shitty superintendents, etc. One day I got off the elevator on the eight floor and was walking down the hallway back to our place when a thought hit me and I stopped dead in my tracks to ponder it aloud.

“Wow. This single building has a larger population than my entire hometown.”

It took me a couple of days to get over that one.

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Funnily enough a friend of mine who is from the same village sent me several pictures last night. I’ll start with this mspaint bee straight from my nightmares. Thanks Danny!

I will ramble on until the world is done.

– We can eat out or eat in. We could also go out or stay in. But we only work out. Twice as much language goes to things with half as much effort behind them.

– I plugged a cord into a fjord because I was bored. Okay, not really. I just wanted to say that.

– Someday I will have a front row seat at my own concert. When I fail to appear on stage I will then proceed to start a riot.

– I went grocery shopping a long time ago. Now I have to go twice a week or so. It’s becoming a habit.

– Anybody up for planting some time capsules with all sorts of notes detailing completely fake information about how we didn’t have any technology until 1993 when all electronics were introduced to us by people from the future and any advancements since were simply them giving us more details as a social experiment? Sounds like a good first date.

– I was at the bar eating a Snickers bar with my main man Barbar when I noticed I only had one bar left on my phone. My identity was mistaken and I was barred from the bar as I was throw quite far into a car with a single door ajar. I was attacked by a pirate yelling “Yarrr!” and I fought him off with a hearty “Har har.”. The police threw me in jail and now I’m behind a locked door thingie with a lot of steel cylindrical barriers.

– Good friends may kiss your ass from time to time, but best friends will kick your ass when you need it the most.

– If you have room in your purse/shoulder bag (aka ‘Man Purse’) for a grocery bag, do yourself a favour and just huff one in there. You never know when you’ll need to carry a wet object or something. Plus, now that some stores are charging for bags, you can save some nickels this way!

– If you have to proclaim that you’re something, it usually isn’t true. A trait is something that shines through and is seen by other people, not something you proclaim that you have. Nice people don’t have to claim to be as such, calling yourself cool is a sure sign you aren’t, etc. With that said, I’m a freaking global phenomenon.

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The following picture was drawn by Adam, the owner of The Last Gamestore in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Check it out if you’re ever in the area: http://www.facebook.com/Lastgamestore