What if I could meld my arms into things without hurting them? I’m thinking something like Axel from Twisted Metal but with animals instead of giant wheels. Axel is a character who’s basically fused into these giant tires with some other mechanical bits, as shown below.
What if I could have my arms fused into the side of a pair of rhinos? Oh man, the power!
I wonder how it would feel like to steer such large animals with my arms. Turning by turning one arm closer to my chest and one arm away from my chest would definitely be a rush the first few times. At first I’d be worried about running into things but given the size of the creatures I’m sure they’d hit things before I do. And unless it’s something large it probably wouldn’t bother them anywhere near as much as it would bother me.
Dude! Maybe flapping my arms would make them jump. That might very well be the very thing I now desire more than anything, even more so than an infinite supply of special Diet Pepsi and bacon that has no negative effect on my health. I’d find a desolate place and just jump around while relishing the complete and utter destruction that I’d be causing.
Hmmmm, I just realized something. How would I ever traverse anything like stairs or anything that would require me to reach a higher point in the building? I mean, I could probably just punch some buildings down but that doesn’t give me a good view of the horizon and as an undesired sound effect it seems to kill people a lot.
Conclusion: I desire having rhinos for arms, but only some of the time. I feel the ability to go all “Animorphs” with each of my arms instead of my entire being would make for an excellent comic mini-series or OVA of some sort. Maybe I should starting writing and doing the art now!
Okay, so we all know that cool guys don’t look at explosions right? But that can’t be all of it. What else don’t they look at? Come to think of it, I feel this applies to everyone regardless of age, race or gender. What else don’t cool people look at?
I imagine cool people don’t look at the band when they’re playing. But not in the sense that they’re doing something like watching the show through their phone’s camera or other such silliness. It’s like they don’t need to look at the band because they’re there to feel the music, not to just stand there and watch y’know?
Cool people don’t feel the need to look at the people behind them on the sidewalk. I’m pretty confident that this is true. After all it’s a pretty pointless thing to do unless you think you know the person or people behind you. If one can ignore an explosion than surely a small detail like a random person you will have no interaction with is also something that won’t capture your attention.
Not looking back when someone says ‘boo’ has to be a mark of the cool.
My girlfriend mentioned car/train crashes along with most disasters in general. I say she has a good point there. Having that much discipline is pretty badass. Not looking when a building is being professionally imploded would take a lot of discipline as well.
Oh! Cool people don’t look at the muggers they’re fighting off! It’s all like bam, elbow to the throat followed by casually walking away. This is officially now on my bucket list. Come at me bro.
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Even drawing a bee in Duke Nukem Forever sucks. Although I don’t hate this game as much as I’m told I should. If only it came out in the late 90’s like it should have.