My (completely true) Fallout 3 story.

For the people out there who aren’t all up in the whole modern gaming thing, Fallout 3 is a game that takes place after World War III. It’s played in the first person perspective (Meaning the point of view is from the character’s eyes.) and features a lot of traveling around by foot. Although you’re given details on what you’re supposed to do to advance the story you’re also free to just roam around, explore old buildings, scavenge stuff, fight weird radioactive things and meet random people as you please. So with that said . . .

So I’m wandering around the former town of Grayditch this one time a couple years ago. Grayditch is a rundown town that is completely covered in mutated ants, some of which breath fire and are the size of a large man.

I slowly made my way though all of the buildings I could find above ground, sweeping the area completely and killing all of the ants along the way. After finishing this I made my way to the entrance of a tunnel that led underground. I figured that the queen’s nest was down there and I wanted to gather whatever information I could regarding the source of these ants.

The tunnel proved to be a slow crawl. As expected there were many, many large ants in my way. After fighting my way for what must’ve been at least an hour (Hour and a half?) or so when accounting for both the above ground and underground portions I came across . . . A metallic door? How perfectly odd.

Approaching the door it suddenly opened itself as I was a mere two or three steps away. They haven’t learned how to open doors on their own, have they? But this was no ant. This was an ordinary human being. A scientist of average height and build greeted me. The fact that the door opened so suddenly and the fact that the man was so drastically different from anything I had seen for hours scared me.

It scared me to the point that I threw the controller onto the floor and screamed as loud as I could.

Apparently this is the most terrifying creature in the ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!

I was living with a couple of friends at the time. One of them was already in the living room and was wondering what was so scary about this man/how potentially insane I must be. The other ran out of his room, asking if I was okay. To this I responded by pointing my finger at the television and yelling:

“A MAN JUST WALKED OUT THAT DOOOOOOOOOR!”

It’s been said that I’m an extremely high-strung person.

Advertisements

I should start a band.

Actually, I tried to start a two-man act with a friend of mine (Let’s call him DJ Sven again because he still be spinning like mad yo.) a couple of years ago. It was going to be called Anger Cake and our band logo would have a cake being smashed with a hammer. It was pretty friggin’ awesome. The only thing that got in our way and the very thing that destroyed our endeavor was the fact that we had absolutely no ideas about anything whatsoever beyond those two things.

I need to start over beginning with a new name. Using Anger Cake wouldn’t be cool since that was something I was supposed to start with somebody else. I’m thinking something along the lines of Birthday Box for now, but I’ll dwell on that for a bit.

Now I need to pick a genre of music. I don’t really have any talents with an instrument, but I hear that ‘spoken word’ is a genre? Basically someone loudly tells a story while someone else plays music. Not really singing per say, but I feel it’s something I could do with some practice.¬† As for the background music I’ll need something that will stand out. Nobody’s really made it big with an accordion player in their band recently have they?

As for subject manner I need to pick something agreeable that hasn’t already been covered a million times already. Social/political commentary is overdone, hot-button issues will drive people away and I have to avoid being too preachy. So I guess I’ll have to use my spoken word music to raise awareness of the dangers of carnivorous jellybeans and the like.

Anybody wanna sign up to be my accordion player? I can’t promise that I’ll be able to pay you anything but we’ll have a hell of a journey at least.

The best video game dialogue ever. EVER!

So today I found some capture equipment at a thrift store for 25 bucks. Here’s a quick test video I made.

I’m excited, I can make gaming videos now! I’m a little short on time, but here’s some concept art for something I’m working on:

What if my arms were actually rhinos?

What if I could meld my arms into things without hurting them? I’m thinking something like Axel from Twisted Metal but with animals instead of giant wheels. Axel is a character who’s basically fused into these giant tires with some other mechanical bits, as shown below.

What if I could have my arms fused into the side of a pair of rhinos? Oh man, the power!

I wonder how it would feel like to steer such large animals with my arms. Turning by turning one arm closer to my chest and one arm away from my chest would definitely be a rush the first few times. At first I’d be worried about running into things but given the size of the creatures I’m sure they’d hit things before I do. And unless it’s something large it probably wouldn’t bother them anywhere near as much as it would bother me.

Dude! Maybe flapping my arms would make them jump. That might very well be the very thing I now desire more than anything, even more so than an infinite supply of special Diet Pepsi and bacon that has no negative effect on my health. I’d find a¬†desolate place and just jump around while relishing the complete and utter destruction that I’d be causing.

Hmmmm, I just realized something. How would I ever traverse anything like stairs or anything that would require me to reach a higher point in the building? I mean, I could probably just punch some buildings down but that doesn’t give me a good view of the horizon and as an undesired sound effect it seems to kill people a lot.

Conclusion: I desire having rhinos for arms, but only some of the time. I feel the ability to go all “Animorphs” with each of my arms instead of my entire being would make for an excellent comic mini-series or OVA of some sort. Maybe I should starting writing and doing the art now!

I don’t think it works for bees though.

Let’s talk about cool people for a minute.

Okay, so we all know that cool guys don’t look at explosions right? But that can’t be all of it. What else don’t they look at? Come to think of it, I feel this applies to everyone regardless of age, race or gender. What else don’t cool people look at?

I imagine cool people don’t look at the band when they’re playing. But not in the sense that they’re doing something like watching the show through their phone’s camera or other such silliness. It’s like they don’t need to look at the band because they’re there to feel the music, not to just stand there and watch y’know?

Cool people don’t feel the need to look at the people behind them on the sidewalk. I’m pretty confident that this is true. After all it’s a pretty pointless thing to do unless you think you know the person or people behind you. If one can ignore an explosion than surely a small detail like a random person you will have no interaction with is also something that won’t capture your attention.

Not looking back when someone says ‘boo’ has to be a mark of the cool.

My girlfriend mentioned car/train crashes along with most disasters in general. I say she has a good point there. Having that much discipline is pretty badass. Not looking when a building is being professionally imploded would take a lot of discipline as well.

Oh! Cool people don’t look at the muggers they’re fighting off! It’s all like bam, elbow to the throat followed by casually walking away. This is officially now on my bucket list. Come at me bro.

* * *

Even drawing a bee in Duke Nukem Forever sucks. Although I don’t hate this game as much as I’m told I should. If only it came out in the late 90’s like it should have.